Coming back from the telegraph Nathan spotted Buck still standing in the street. He walked over, wondering at the distressed look on his friend’s face.
“Buck?”
The other man spun around to face him.
“I lost him!” he stated angrily before Nathan could continue. The dark healer could easily pick out both frustration and helplessness in the feelings radiating off the blue eyed man. “Damn it all to hell, I lost him!”
“Who? What’s going on here, Buck?” Nathan really wasn’t following this. He hadn’t really seen Buck meet up with anybody either. As Buck didn’t acknowledge the question, still cursing as he looked up and down the street, Nathan placed a determined hand on his shoulder.
“Come on. Standing here chasing your own tail isn’t going to work in any case. Let’s get something to drink and then you can tell me why I just sent a wire to Chris that’s going to put him in a sour mood for sure.”
Buck reluctantly let himself be led away, looking back every so often. He never protested Nathan leading him to the saloon though, letting the healer acquire a table for them. They sat down in silence. Just as Nathan was about to ask, Buck beat him to the explanation.
”I guess you know what happened to Chris’ family?” Buck asked. The healer looked up from his drink and then he nodded.
“Yeah, I do. Somebody set fire to their house, his wife and son dies.”
“Well…” Buck seemed drawn between his own disbelief and the will to believe in what he saw as a miracle. “They found Sarah inside the ruins. But what became of the boy…either there just wasn’t anything left of him to find or he got out and escaped into the forest. There was a lot of rain in the next days…” Buck’s eyes clouded from memories, his voice softened from weary pain. “It destroyed every track, maybe if we’d had Vin there back then… We searched for days, weeks on end, but we never found as much as a single footprint. In the end it seemed like the only thing left to do was to give up and accept the fact that he was really gone.”
No one was ever really gone before you could see it for yourself, see them lowering the coffin into the ground. Nathan easily recognized the feelings from his earlier life as a slave. But he also knew what it could do to someone not being able to let go, clinging to non-existent hopes and dreams. Delusions. It could destroy a man.
“You never gave up,” he stated instead. Nathan knew that nothing short of facing death from his own exhaustion would have slowed Chris Larabee down in the search for one of his own. Buck nodded to that, still away in memories.
“Had to drag him back to town, heck, nearly had to drag myself back as well.” A sad look overrode the clouds. “Never could quite forgive myself for giving up, but I had already lost two people I loved. I wasn’t about to lose Chris too.”
Nathan leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. “You did the right thing, Buck,” he tried to assure the other man. He also knew that his words might not mean much, but he had to say them. “Grief messes something awful with a man’s mind.”
“Yeah…” Buck rubbed a hand through his hair. “But what about what I saw today…what if I gave up too soon? But there wasn’t any sign of him and he was just a little boy. There was hardly anything left of Sarah at all…” He started when he felt Nathan grip his hands and held them tight. Dark brown eyes steadily met his.
“Don’t do this to yourself, Buck. You did right at the time. You don’t even know if he did survive.”
“That’s why we’re staying,” Buck answered. The blue of his eyes was enhanced by the moist sheen. “There’s a little boy in this town that I need to know more about.”
“Then we’ll find out more. By the way,” Nathan had gotten up just to pause. “Did they catch who did it? How could anyone do such a thing anyway?”
Buck shrugged, suddenly looking old and tired.
“No. They didn’t get them. And for why…I don’t know.” He didn’t say anything else. The familiar feelings of grief, blame, anger and regret were tied too tightly into a knot inside him, to be untied just then. Shock was still numbing his body and mind after what he had seen. Sending a silent prayer that somehow everything would be alright again, he got up and followed Nathan.
As the night fell quietly over the small town, the seven year old boy walked slowly along the sidewalk. It wouldn’t be quiet for very long. It seemed that the dark drew people out, the darkness masking what was usually there and created a new or at least a different world. Somebody had once told him that the dark was nothing to be afraid of, there wasn’t anything there that wasn’t there during the day too.
It was just that he knew that wasn’t true. Some people and some places changed when it was dark. Some didn’t even come out until the light smouldered away.
Walking aimlessly around, he wondered if he should return to the hotel room after all. He was getting hungry, but mother would still be at the tables. She wouldn’t take lightly to him disturbing her. Hugging his arms around himself, he figured he should go back to the hotel, it was getting chilly. But he didn’t feel like it. He didn’t want to spend another night sitting at the window in a non-descript room in a strange town, waiting for tomorrows that never turned out the way he hoped.
Somebody had placed a light right next to a narrow alley. The soft, flickering light was inviting, spreading fair dancing elves over the common street, turning it into a small corner of an enchanted forest.
Slipping into the alley he walked a few steps before he sat down, shielded from any curious eyes. A moment from the day that had almost passed came to the forefront of his mind.
The tall man with the blue eyes he had walked straight into, he had never done anything like that before. Mother had taught him to always pay attention to the people around him, no matter how insignificant or common they seemed. So he knew how to handle people, but he never really felt comfortable around them. Still he had allowed a complete stranger to come close without feeling the least bit scared. It made him feel scared now though. It also made him a little curious. Maybe he could find the man again, and see what happened. He wouldn’t let him see him of course, but the decision made him feel inexplicably better.
An image from an often repeated dream pierced the surface to the conscious world like a thin silver needle, breaking up his thoughts.
The ground he sat on turned into sweet scented grass, the strands sharp-smooth against his fingers. Sunlight warmed his face and clouds danced a quiet waltz across the sky before his closed eyes. Not far away, in a wide corral, horses moved around. A mare grazed peacefully as a young colt raced along the fence, testing his boundaries. The rhythmic sound of hooves beating against the ground felt safe and familiar.
Suddenly the colt didn’t race anymore. It was standing still, patches of white gleamed as it rolled its eyes nervously. Insubstantial eyeless snakes coiled in the air, bringing with them a pungent smell.
Smoke.
The smoke thickened, the grey snakes coiled tighter and tighter until they had swallowed the sun and consumed the world. Trees rose around him like forgotten giants, softly wailing and shaking under the silent moon.
There wasn’t a soul around and still he knew he wasn’t alone. Someone was waiting. Waiting in the shadows.
With a gasp he snapped out of the trance-like state. Heart thundering he looked around. The alley was still the same, the fluttering elves still dancing.
Carefully he peeked around the corner. Keeping close to the wall he ran towards the hotel and slipped in the backdoor. Mother wouldn’t like it he drew attention to himself. Inside the room he dragged a chair to the window and loaded it with his pillow and blankets. He crawled into the chair and folded his arms on the window sill. Then he settled down to watch the stars, waiting for another tomorrow.