St Luke's Church Eccleshill - Articles from "The Link"

In our "Questions to the clergy" slot, John will try to answer any query you throw at him, without hesitation, deviation or repetition...

Training to share your life?

Q. What do you do for Marriage Preparation in your church?

(This question was asked at the Annual Meeting on 19th March 2001, and I answered off the cuff - I’d like to do slightly better now!)

A. When couples ring up, I first ask them to meet me in church. I show them the building and talk them through a booklet which explains about weddings at St Luke’s. They can book a provisional date, but they have to go away and read the booklet before making a firm booking.

We then invite couples to events in our church which are relevant to marriage and relationships. We have held two evening services for this (the latest one on the Sunday after Valentine’s day), and we have held one midweek evening in the Narthex. We don’t get many takers - typically one or two of the dozen weddings pending. I understand that there used to be courses run jointly by us and St James’ Bolton, and I’d like to hear from those who were involved about how they went.

Couples also have to come to arrange the service details (about 2 months before the wedding) and to a rehearsal (the week before).

In the last few years (nationwide) it has become a great deal harder to get couples to attend “marriage preparation” events. I think there are four reasons for this:

• most couples live together before their weddings: they know the Christian church disapproves, and they think they will be ticked off;

• most couples think that by living together they are already preparing for marriage, so what else is there to learn? (In fact they are dead wrong about this: statistics show that couples who live together first run a much higher risk of divorcing once they get married.)

• there is a lot more shift work nowadays, and they can’t come;

• people have a legal right to get married in their parish church, and the church has no right to question them, and they know it.

I feel “Marriage Preparation” comes too late, when most couples already live together and often have children. And yet, the divorce rate shows people desperately need it. I think the answer is for the church to offer something wider: input on such things as resolving conflicts, parenting skills and handling money? One reason for services on these topics is that it gives couples a chance to meet the Christians in their local church, which may help them find Jesus too.

John Hartley

	*St Luke's Church, Eccleshill - The Link* magazine** The Link is published monthly at 40p (Senior Citizens 35p), and we deliver free within the parish and post copies (at the reader's expense) to those who request it. Please contact us if you would like a free copy for a trial period. April 2001, Page 8.
Home Page. Index of articles. Questions: index, Mission giving, Homeopathy, Downs baby, Bloodthirsty OT, Marriage prep, Creed. Marriage: index, Remarriage, Why marry, Preparation, Blessings. Weddings at St Luke's. In this issue: (April 2001) Vicar's Letter, Our Father, Question.	In our "Questions to the clergy" slot, John will try to answer any query you throw at him, without hesitation, deviation or repetition... Training to share your life? Q. What do you do for Marriage Preparation in your church? (This question was asked at the Annual Meeting on 19th March 2001, and I answered off the cuff - I’d like to do slightly better now!) A. When couples ring up, I first ask them to meet me in church. I show them the building and talk them through a booklet which explains about weddings at St Luke’s. They can book a provisional date, but they have to go away and read the booklet before making a firm booking. We then invite couples to events in our church which are relevant to marriage and relationships. We have held two evening services for this (the latest one on the Sunday after Valentine’s day), and we have held one midweek evening in the Narthex. We don’t get many takers - typically one or two of the dozen weddings pending. I understand that there used to be courses run jointly by us and St James’ Bolton, and I’d like to hear from those who were involved about how they went. Couples also have to come to arrange the service details (about 2 months before the wedding) and to a rehearsal (the week before). In the last few years (nationwide) it has become a great deal harder to get couples to attend “marriage preparation” events. I think there are four reasons for this: • most couples live together before their weddings: they know the Christian church disapproves, and they think they will be ticked off; • most couples think that by living together they are already preparing for marriage, so what else is there to learn? (In fact they are dead wrong about this: statistics show that couples who live together first run a much higher risk of divorcing once they get married.) • there is a lot more shift work nowadays, and they can’t come; • people have a legal right to get married in their parish church, and the church has no right to question them, and they know it. I feel “Marriage Preparation” comes too late, when most couples already live together and often have children. And yet, the divorce rate shows people desperately need it. I think the answer is for the church to offer something wider: input on such things as resolving conflicts, parenting skills and handling money? One reason for services on these topics is that it gives couples a chance to meet the Christians in their local church, which may help them find Jesus too. John Hartley
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