St Luke's Church Eccleshill - Articles from "The Link"

In our "Questions to the clergy" slot, John will try to answer any query you throw at him, without hesitation, deviation or repetition...

Who giveth this woman?

Q. Why does the question: "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man" get missed out of a lot of weddings nowadays?

A. The short answer is: this question isn't in the service books, and hasn't been for 25 years. It's in the Book of Common Prayer, but it was missed out of the Alternative Services Book 1980, and instead it just says "The priest may receive the bride from the hands of her father." A lot of vicars do say the words, even though they aren't in the book.

But that just begs the question: why not? I looked up the text book, and it explained several things.

The Sarum Manual (which was the service book before the Reformation, 500 years ago) had the handing over without any words, but the medieval service at York had the priest say "Who gives me this wife?" The father handed over the bride to the priest, representing God, so that he could give her to the man just like God gave Eve to Adam. When Cranmer wrote the 1549 Prayer Book he wanted to express the fact that the couple marry each other (the church is only a witness - it doesn't "perform" the marriage), so he changed the question so that it didn't mention the priest. He still kept the ceremony, possibly because it symbolized the the bride being formerly under the protection of her father and that responsibility now being transferred to her husband.

Many people like that symbolism and still use it, but there are also many people who say that a husband and wife now enter into marriage equally, they make joint decisions, and a single woman is just as capable of independent decisions and looking after herself as a single man (maybe more so!). So why retain a ceremony which seems to say that a woman is a present - all wrapped up in bows and ribbons - to be handed over from one man to another in church? As one bride recently said to me: "No-one's giving me away - I'm not a parcel!"

Personally I'm quite happy to play it the way the couple wish. There was an alternative suggestion made some while ago, which was that both bride and groom should be "escorted" to the ceremony and "presented" by the people who brought them. I think that would have been quite a nice idea.

Q. What about "You may now kiss the bride"?

A. That was only ever in films, not in real marriage service books. However, I have seen it done!

John Hartley

	*St Luke's Church, Eccleshill - The Link* magazine** The Link is published monthly at 40p (Senior Citizens 35p), and we deliver free within the parish and post copies (at the reader's expense) to those who request it. Please contact us if you would like a free copy for a trial period. September 2005, Page 8.
Home Page. Index of articles: by subject, by date. In this issue: September 2005 Harvest & Song, The Gateway, Chorltons, Urban Village, Question. Other articles on marriage. Other questions.	In our "Questions to the clergy" slot, John will try to answer any query you throw at him, without hesitation, deviation or repetition... Who giveth this woman? *Q. Why does the question: "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man"* get missed out of a lot of weddings nowadays?** A. The short answer is: this question isn't in the service books, and hasn't been for 25 years. It's in the Book of Common Prayer, but it was missed out of the Alternative Services Book 1980, and instead it just says "The priest may receive the bride from the hands of her father." A lot of vicars do say the words, even though they aren't in the book. But that just begs the question: why not? I looked up the text book, and it explained several things. The Sarum Manual (which was the service book before the Reformation, 500 years ago) had the handing over without any words, but the medieval service at York had the priest say "Who gives me this wife?" The father handed over the bride to the priest, representing God, so that he could give her to the man just like God gave Eve to Adam. When Cranmer wrote the 1549 Prayer Book he wanted to express the fact that the couple marry each other (the church is only a witness - it doesn't "perform" the marriage), so he changed the question so that it didn't mention the priest. He still kept the ceremony, possibly because it symbolized the the bride being formerly under the protection of her father and that responsibility now being transferred to her husband. Many people like that symbolism and still use it, but there are also many people who say that a husband and wife now enter into marriage equally, they make joint decisions, and a single woman is just as capable of independent decisions and looking after herself as a single man (maybe more so!). So why retain a ceremony which seems to say that a woman is a present - all wrapped up in bows and ribbons - to be handed over from one man to another in church? As one bride recently said to me: "No-one's giving me away - I'm not a parcel!" Personally I'm quite happy to play it the way the couple wish. There was an alternative suggestion made some while ago, which was that both bride and groom should be "escorted" to the ceremony and "presented" by the people who brought them. I think that would have been quite a nice idea. *Q. What about "You may now kiss the bride"?* A. That was only ever in films, not in real marriage service books. However, I have seen it done! John Hartley
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