St Luke's Church Eccleshill - Articles from "The Link"

Thinking about marriage?

At the Church of England’s General Synod in July (which I attended), marriage was high on the agenda. A change in the law to allow non-residents of a parish to marry in the church was up for its ‘first reading’. There was a motion calling on the government to restore the married couple’s tax allowance, which (so the proposer said) would encourage couples to get married rather than to live together while pretending to live apart. I had asked a question on why the words used at civil weddings contain no reference to marriage as the proper context for sexual intercourse? And in the follow-up to the Faith in the City report there was discussion of the changing patterns of family life, and how this affects the children?

Underneath all this I think I could hear two rumbling questions:

1. What is marriage? The ‘married couple’s tax allowance’ was actually not paid to married couples alone. It was also paid to single parents and to unmarried parents living together. And the synod felt the same dilemma as government. On the one hand, we want to encourage more couples to affirm their commitment and love for each other, and we think the best way for them to do that is for them to get married. But on the other hand, there’s a difference between a piece of paper and a real commitment, and a wedding just for the sake of it is a bit daft. Isn’t there something wrong if a wedding costs Ł17,000 for all the trimmings but there’s no real check that couples are really making a commitment?

Somehow, we’ve lost sight of how the bible describes a marriage: “a man will leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Haven’t a lot of cohabiting couples already done that? And don’t some who marry fail to “be joined”, living together but still not really putting each other first in life’s decisions?

2. How can the church help marriages to work better? The debate on “where can I get a church wedding?” focussed on helping people to choose a church wedding - but do we seriously think that just having it in church will make it work better? I think the whole point of a church wedding is to introduce the couples to God, so that he can help them to make their marriage work better - but how are we to do that if the couples come from miles away and never attend church because of the distance?

John Hartley

	*St Luke's Church, Eccleshill - The Link* magazine** The Link is published monthly at 40p (Senior Citizens 35p), and we deliver free within the parish and post copies (at the reader's expense) to those who request it. Please contact us if you would like a free copy for a trial period. August 2006, Page 6.
Home Page. Index of articles: by subject, by date. In this issue: (August 2006) Vicar's letter, Question, Foundations, Marriage, Song. Other articles on marriage.	Thinking about marriage? At the Church of England’s General Synod in July (which I attended), marriage was high on the agenda. A change in the law to allow non-residents of a parish to marry in the church was up for its ‘first reading’. There was a motion calling on the government to restore the married couple’s tax allowance, which (so the proposer said) would encourage couples to get married rather than to live together while pretending to live apart. I had asked a question on why the words used at civil weddings contain no reference to marriage as the proper context for sexual intercourse? And in the follow-up to the Faith in the City report there was discussion of the changing patterns of family life, and how this affects the children? Underneath all this I think I could hear two rumbling questions: 1. What is marriage? The ‘married couple’s tax allowance’ was actually not paid to married couples alone. It was also paid to single parents and to unmarried parents living together. And the synod felt the same dilemma as government. On the one hand, we want to encourage more couples to affirm their commitment and love for each other, and we think the best way for them to do that is for them to get married. But on the other hand, there’s a difference between a piece of paper and a real commitment, and a wedding just for the sake of it is a bit daft. Isn’t there something wrong if a wedding costs Ł17,000 for all the trimmings but there’s no real check that couples are really making a commitment? Somehow, we’ve lost sight of how the bible describes a marriage: “a man will leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Haven’t a lot of cohabiting couples already done that? And don’t some who marry fail to “be joined”, living together but still not really putting each other first in life’s decisions? 2. How can the church help marriages to work better? The debate on “where can I get a church wedding?” focussed on helping people to choose a church wedding - but do we seriously think that just having it in church will make it work better? I think the whole point of a church wedding is to introduce the couples to God, so that he can help them to make their marriage work better - but how are we to do that if the couples come from miles away and never attend church because of the distance? John Hartley
Top of page.	This web page was last updated on 7th August 2006.