St Luke's Church Eccleshill - Articles from "The Link"

Albert, pick up thy bible

The following poem was read at the funeral of Albert Sutcliffe, a member of our church, and by popular request it is reprinted here. We hasten to point out that it is fiction, and nothing like it ever occurred in real life (that's my story and I'm sticking to it).

On the day of the Churches Together,
in the vestry before't service starts,
the readers were gathered in bother,
for the vicar were giving out parts.

This new vicar, he'd turn up with dramas
he'd writ off the top of his head,
and those who 'ad practiced their readings
were give summat different instead!

Now Albert could do recitation:
he'd rehearsed what he were to say,
and had got it off, no hesitation;
and this vicar would take it away?

"I think I will stick to what's written,"
our Albert were bold to suggest.
And the new vicar's conscience were stricken,
as he saw that this weren't just in jest.

Then up spoke the_'ed teacher from Idle,
"Now then, let's not get ourselves vexed:
Albert, pick up thy bible,
and tha'll see t'vicar's close to thy text.

Th'art a fair-minded man, Albert, truly,
So pick up thy bible today,
and see if the words vicar's writ thee
aren't nearly what th'ad planned to say?"

Now Albert had won the advantage,
but he weren't the merciless sort,
And when she said "Pick up thy bible"
he did, as she'd known, what he ought.

"Albert, pick up thy bible",
'ee did as the_'ed teacher had said.
For that book tells us not to be angry,
but forgiving and patient instead.

For t'vicar, as all knew, were't wrong-un,
he should have said during the week,
and not changed his mind and sprung on 'em
some scripts which he'd given the tweak.

"Well, all right," said our Albert, the charmer,
"I 'xpect I can manage OK,
but another time, vicar, remember,
don't just drop on us right on the day!"

	*St Luke's Church, Eccleshill - The Link* magazine** The Link is published monthly at 40p (Senior Citizens 35p), and we deliver free within the parish and post copies (at the reader's expense) to those who request it. Please contact us if you would like a free copy for a trial period. September 2006, Page 8.
Home Page. Index of articles: by subject, by date. In this issue: (September 2006) Our Father, Quiet Time, Poem. Other poems.	Albert, pick up thy bible The following poem was read at the funeral of Albert Sutcliffe, a member of our church, and by popular request it is reprinted here. We hasten to point out that it is fiction, and nothing like it ever occurred in real life (that's my story and I'm sticking to it). On the day of the Churches Together, in the vestry before't service starts, the readers were gathered in bother, for the vicar were giving out parts. This new vicar, he'd turn up with dramas he'd writ off the top of his head, and those who 'ad practiced their readings were give summat different instead! Now Albert could do recitation: he'd rehearsed what he were to say, and had got it off, no hesitation; and this vicar would take it away? "I think I will stick to what's written," our Albert were bold to suggest. And the new vicar's conscience were stricken, as he saw that this weren't just in jest. Then up spoke the_'ed teacher from Idle, "Now then, let's not get ourselves vexed: Albert, pick up thy bible, and tha'll see t'vicar's close to thy text. Th'art a fair-minded man, Albert, truly, So pick up thy bible today, and see if the words vicar's writ thee aren't nearly what th'ad planned to say?" Now Albert had won the advantage, but he weren't the merciless sort, And when she said "Pick up thy bible" he did, as she'd known, what he ought. "Albert, pick up thy bible", 'ee did as the_'ed teacher had said. For that book tells us not to be angry, but forgiving and patient instead. For t'vicar, as all knew, were't wrong-un, he should have said during the week, and not changed his mind and sprung on 'em some scripts which he'd given the tweak. "Well, all right," said our Albert, the charmer, "I 'xpect I can manage OK, but another time, vicar, remember, don't just drop on us right on the day!" Copyright © John Hartley 2006.
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